It being a Saturday, and Wolves being out of action due to Cardiff’s FA Cup game, I have a little time on my hands. So I’ve been thinking … Important as my football kit is to me, I want to be able to create a bit of the stir at the end of the season, so I’ve been trying to get a pirate outfit. Being unemployed, and also a big celebrity, I thought I would contact my costumier:
I hope you are well. Please let me introduce myself. My name is World Wide Wolfie. I have a website of my own and am something of a celebrity. You can see my website at www.worldwidewolfie.co.uk. I am writing to you with an exciting sponsorship opportunity.
I currently only have two sets of clothes, and almost always wear my Wolverhampton Wanderers FC kit, but I think I need to branch out. I do have a Santa outfit which I bought in your store. I am delighted with it and it fits me perfectly. You can see a picture of me on my website. However, this outfit is, of course, of a seasonal nature, so you will understand that I can’t wear it all the time. I am looking for new outfit to wear to the last game of the season (4th May, Molineux Stadium, Wolverhampton) and I wondered if you could provide me with one. I would also certainly wear it to the play off finals were we lucky enough to get there. I am looking for, in order of preference:
1) a pirate outfit
2) a Robin Hood outfit
3) something else swashbuckling
I have been unable to find anything suitable on your website, although I believe you used to sell a pirate outfit. I have thought of buying one on ebay (in fact, I have seen one with a parrot on the shoulder, which was very exciting. A parrot!) but I thought I would approach you with this opportunity. Being involved in football, I am aware of many possible locations for sponsorship on my body, and would be very happy it you wanted to provide a sponsorship message. I would suggest either chest, back of neck or bottom. I would of course also big you up on my website.
My measurements are:
Chest: 13 ins (circumference)
Inside leg: 2.5 ins
Arm 2 ins
Please do contact me if you want to know any more about me. My postal address is…
I’ll let you know how I get on. I do hope they reply.